Why does Daisy stay? That’s the question students ask every year when we study The Great Gatsby.
Fitzgerald’s classic novel presents a valuable opportunity to educate students about the truth concerning abusive and toxic relationships. When they ask why does Daisy stay, they are really asking why anyone stays.
They might be asking why their mom stays. Or their dad. Or their sister, friend, or even the person they see in the mirror.
On average, an abused person will attempt to leave their abuser seven times before they leave for good. Also, the most dangerous time in an abusive or toxic relationship is the moment when the abuser leaves. Or tries to.
What if reading classic literature could change those statistics? (Find the link to the FREE Why Does Daisy Stay lesson at the end of this blog post.)
English teachers know the emotional power of a well-written book. The characters and their struggles and their successes speak to the reader. Sometimes those struggles and successes speak so loudly, so effectively, that a life is changed. Helping students understand the answer to why Daisy stays with Tom will help them to understand why people in their own lives might stay in toxic relationships. It might even help them start to consider a way out.
Classics are full of problematic relationships that students can learn from. Consider how Huckleberry Finn sells his treasure to Judge Thatcher for a dollar and then fakes his own death to escape his abusive drunk of a father. In The Scarlet Letter, Hester Prynne and Pearl demonstrate how the absence of a father and the insecurity of a mother can negatively affect the formation of a child. Consider the bullying that happens to poor Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The Great Gatsby is no different. In fact, it’s an incredibly relatable choice for high school students because, let’s face it, the main characters pretty much act like spoiled brat adolescents. Tom, Daisy, Gatsby, Jordan, and Nick’s character types are all still very recognizable in today’s teens.
After several years of trying to provide an answer to the why does Daisy stay question, I finally developed a lesson that allows students to discover the answer for themselves. The Why Does Daisy Stay lesson also comes with an optional relationship self-assessment and an annotation activity for an excerpt from Just Daisy: A Gatsby Retelling. Because the retelling is a modern-day YA story, students who struggle connecting with Fitzgerald’s Tom, Gatsby, and Daisy won’t have that problem with the modernized characters.
The lesson starts with a Team Gatsby/Team Tom argument activity. Students match textual evidence to defend why Daisy might stay with Tom or why Daisy might stay with Gatsby. After hearing the arguments, students will make Daisy’s choice for her.
A warning here, no one wants to be on Team Tom. However, assigning your best or even reluctant argument builders to Team Tom provides an excellent lesson on how to go back to a text to see the strengths of an argument they don’t necessarily believe in.
But it doesn’t end there. The Why Does Daisy Stay lesson then educates students on the nine most common reasons abused partners stay in abusive relationships.
- Family, community or culture might promote toxicity or glorification of abusive traits.
- Abused partners downplay abuse if it is not physical.
- Abuser chips away at the partner’s self esteem until they no longer believe they are worthy of happiness or capable of living without the abuser.
- Gaslighting makes an abused partner feel responsible for the abuser’s behavior.
- Leaving can be dangerous.
- Abused partner is afraid no one will believe them.
- Abused partner feels embarrassed or as if they would let family members down should they seek help or leave.
- Possibly losing friends or lifestyle can be difficult.
- After the abuse, the honeymoon phase convinces the partner that the abuser will change.
Students will match textual evidence to the nine reasons. For example, during the chapter 2 dinner party, Nick, Jordan, Tom, and Daisy all look at Daisy’s black and blue knuckle.
“‘You did it, Tom,’ she said accusingly. ‘I know you didn’t mean to, but you did do it. That’s what I get for marrying a brute of a man, a great, big, hulking physical specimen of a–’”
Students will examine the nine reasons and determine how the evidence from the novel fits into the real life reasons abused partners stay. As the evidence piles up, students are able to answer their own question about why Daisy stays with a reflective opportunity to reevaluate Daisy’s choices.
The final section of the lesson requires a trigger warning. Actually, the first part probably does, too. It’s always a good idea to prepare students for difficult or sensitive topics found in the novels we ask them to read. However, the final step in the Why Does Daisy Stay lesson asks students to assess their own relationships. Of course, it is an optional part of the lesson. I simply hand it out and tell students they can choose to take the assessment or not. I will not collect the results. This step comes with a slide that provides resources for help or more information. I encourage you to add local resources to the national ones I have provided.
TIPS:
- At a recent conference, one attendee suggested doing the same activity with Myrtle. Comparing the reasons Myrtle wants to be with Tom even after he breaks her face to Daisy’s reasons for staying even though “Tom’s got some woman” adds another intriguing level of engaging analysis.
- Make sure to inform your school counselors that you’ll be discussing abusive and toxic relationships. They might prepare by gathering information or simply being ready for the conversations that might follow.
I was once asked if anyone ever confided in me after this lesson. The answer is yes. And one time, it was the toxic partner that came to me. He didn’t offer a confession or a lot of detail. He simply asked for help.
Never underestimate the power of keeping classics relevant. To grab your Why Does Daisy Stay complete lesson, click this link. You’ll find it for FREE on my Teachers Pay teachers site. This lesson is close to my heart and way too valuable to charge for. I hope this lesson helps your students find a deeper level of understanding concerning why Daisy or anyone else stays.
Please reach out with questions or feedback on this important lesson.
